On family and loneliness

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It’s been 6 months since I stopped working, and I’d never thought that I’d say this, but I kind of miss working life. Not so much of the work itself, but rather getting to be around people (and getting paid is a plus).

I am an introvert. I recharge by spending time alone. I thought that being a SAHM would be perfect for me; that I would be fine even if I spend most of my days with baby and no one else. But as the months passed, I gradually realized that the loneliness was starting to get to me. And it’s especially tough when husband works long hours and doesn’t spend much time at home. I enjoy spending time with baby, but I miss being around people that I can have conversations with. I need some adult interaction.

One of the things I’ve realized over the years is how much I value time with family. As a child, I hardly had time with my parents since both of them were working. I was taken care of by my grandmother and maid, and I would even spend some Saturdays at my grandmother’s place when she went home. My mum eventually stopped working when I was in primary school, but that was because of her poor health, and we couldn’t really go out or do many things together. It feels sad when I hear others reminisce about their childhood and all the things they did with their parents, because I don’t have many of such memories. I understand that my parents had to work to support the family, and it couldn’t be helped that they weren’t able to spend more time with me. It also couldn’t have been helped that my mum had poor health. But it just feels sad sometimes.

Now that I’m married and have a family of my own, I wish for more time with my new family as well. The truth is, this few years have been hard because husband is away most of the time. It’s been tough being in different countries and not seeing each other for long periods of time. And even though we’re together now, he works such long hours and is hardly around. I know it can’t be helped since he has to support the family. But I feel envious when I see other families being able to spend time together and I’m doing things alone with baby. I remember my childhood when my parents were too busy to spend much time with me. And it sucks. It’s so hard. I want us to be able to have more time to spend together as a family, but we also need the money. I want baby to have more time with both his parents, and not go through childhood like I did. All I can do now is hope that things will work out and we’ll have more time to spend together as a family, and hopefully that will happen sooner rather than later.

I’m doing my best to wait until then.

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