こんな気持ちは・・・何？

I think I’m at a point where I just don’t want to think of the future. This kind of feeling… it’s difficult to put in words. It’s my final year in university, and almost half of the first semester has passed. And soon enough, I’ll have to decide on what I want to do for my FYP. What am I interested in? Where do I want to go?

In no time, graduation will come, and I’ll be out in the working world. There are lots of career talks going on now, and I’ve been receiving invitations to attend these events, or to apply for certain programmes offered by different organisations. The thing is, most of these come from banks or related organisations, while I want to stay within the science field when I come out to work. I guess I’ll have a lot of job hunting to do once graduation nears. Right now, I have no idea where I want to go or what I want to do. For the first time in my life, I feel really lost.

It’s never been like this before. I realised that I enjoyed Bio in sec 3. I knew that when I moved on to JC, I would want to take the triple science combination. I knew that I wanted to pursue a degree in the Biological Sciences. Making those decisions were never difficult for me, because I knew what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go. Then why is this no longer the case?

At this moment, I don’t want to think of what lies in the future. There are just too many uncertainties and the thinking of it just scares me sometimes. It makes me stressed for some reason. (Maybe I just can’t grow up?) Right now, I just want to enjoy my carefree life as an undergrad. Not tied down by anything, and not having much to worry about. Once I graduate things are going to change. This period of my life will never return again, so I just want to enjoy it and not rush through it just like that. I just wish to take things one step at a time, and at my own pace. I think I need to slowly discover what I really want to do, and where I want to head in the future.

未来へ向かってゆっくりと歩いてゆこう。

I’m so free these days that I can take online personality tests just for fun. I’ve taken the DISC test a few times before, but I don’t remember taking the Myers-Briggs (MBTI) one.

According to the MBTI system (you can take the test here), I’m supposedly an ISFJ.

Introverted 56%
Sensing 1%
Feeling 38%
Judging 78%

Seems that I’m rather close to being an INFJ as well, if the results above are to be trusted. Only about 1% of the population is of that type, a big difference as compared to ISFJ, which is one of the most common personality types (if not the most common).

The personality description for ISFJ is below the cut. How accurate do you think this is?

I haven’t been sleeping well lately. I keep having dreams and waking up because of them. The other day I even dreamt about work, how sad is that! The hot and humid weather doesn’t help either, because soon after the sun rises, it gets too hot and bright to continue sleeping. I usually don’t sleep well when I’m stressed or unhappy, so is there some underlying cause behind this?

My ears seem to be ringing from time to time these days. It’s not often enough for me to be really concerned about it, but could it be a sign of stress, anxiety or unhappiness? There are many possible factors leading to tinnitus, but in my case, I’m not on any medication, nor am I suffering from some sort of neurological or metabolic disorder. That leaves a few possible reasons, one being low serotonin levels. Serotonin is involved in the control of mood, and low serotonin levels is known to be a cause of depression. (Urgh this is so related to Pharmacology.) Maybe when I don’t sleep well, I get unhappy and when I get unhappy, one side effect is tinnitus. (I really talk like a Biology student…)

I hope that I’ll have a better sleep tonight!